VBS.tv violated the Fatherland!

So I wake up this morning and sip my shochu, log onto the intertubes expecting to see coverage of my speech last night, and instead get this drivel:

The Vice Guide to North Korea

Apparently, VBS.tv, whatever the hell that means, sent pseudo-reporter Shane Smith to invade The Democratic Republic of North Korea with a digital videocamera. Smith ran around the country willy-nilly. He escaped from my guards. He filmed my treasures. He mocked the glorious feasts we laid out for him. He played ping-pong with our prostitutes. He filmed it all and put it online.

Shane Smith, this is not cool. Not cool at all. I'm furious. I'm THIS close to test-firing a missile at Japan.

It's raining fire.

Dear Diary,

Sorry I couldn't write for a couple days.

Radioactive ash rains down on Pyongyang. Holes burning through the palace roof. Citizens starving. Hummer's fine, though. More to come.

Love,
Kim Jong Il