Dear Diary,
Just got off the phone with the Chinese Premier. He's upset. I don't understand why. He said all my missile tests were messing up his business deals with America. He said I can't stir up shit if I expect him to give me fissile nuclear material. I just don't understand. I've done so much for him! Here I am, singlehandedly holding the line against the South Korean rebels and waving toy guns at the 50,000 Americans on my southern border, and China wants me to stop my favorite hobby, test-firing missiles at Japan? What's next—should I stop throwing bricks at manservants, too? LOL
I think the whole thing will blow over. If I stopped launching dud missiles into the sea, America and Japan might actually focus on China for a change. I'm sure they'd like that.
Kim Jong Il
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