On South Korea and rice

Dear Diary,

I don't know about this Lee Myung-bak, the new President of South Korea. Last week, he pulled some heinous shit, talking about how he wasn't going to give us any food assistance until we stopped trying to build nuclear bombs. That made me so angry. When my manservant walked into my palatial chambers and delivered the news, I threw a brick at him. (I keep a pile of bricks laying around for just this purpose.) As he clutched his bleeding skull, I summoned another manservant and plucked out his left eye. Then I grabbed the phone and called the Army Chief to tell him I wanted to “test fire” another missile at Japan. (I keep a pile of missiles laying around for just this purpose.) I totally fired a fucking missile at Japan. FIRED A MISSILE!

Then I faxed a letter to the Associated Press to tell them I was “very angry at the hostile threats issued by Lee Myung-bak, and if he keeps this up, I'll bomb Seoul into glass. Then I'll TESTFIRE ANOTHER MISSILE!” Then I testfired a missile.

I think they learned their lesson. In fact, I can hear the sound of rice trucks outside right now. I better go.

Love,

Kim Jong Il